is your perfect boyfriend mentally stable?

does he have good career prospects?

huw ran the hot and cold faucets at equal rates, his hands lining the basin. he regarded them comatosely, chanting in his head the lyrics to the last three songs he had heard simultaneously. this played against the shower radio, to which he paid no attention, listening only to the pitter patter of shower drops on plastic shower floor.

is he white and in his early twenties?

does he listen to coldplay, u2 and snow patrol?

the steam rising from the running bath was drawn in equal parts to the humming extractor fan and the frozen frosted glass of the window, the latter half of which condensed on the window and formed a drop, every, five, seconds, or, so.

is he marriage material?

do his parents smell of lavender?

from outside came in equal measures the screech of a fire engine siren, the roar of a boeing 737 and the hiss of a punctured car tyre, which when mashed together through the window sounded like a jungle atmosphere recording designed to create relaxed listening for a new age yoga-slash-meditation class. huw could feel his hands wrinkling. the sink was on the verge of overflowing, far ahead of the bath or the shower, having filled about a twentieth and a quarter full respectively.

the sink started to overflow, finally, and the water poured slowly down the curved bottom of the basin, dripping at a twenty degree angle to the vertical away from huw. the drops made a splat sound as they were absorbed into the pulpy browned paper of a dusty book that had had its pages ripped out and strewn across the bathroom floor.

does he have an inwards navel?

is he philanthropic and altruistic?

huw slanted his hands slightly to one side then the other, watching the illumination of the ridges in his fingernails in the jaundiced fluorescent light. his left hand was slightly redder than his right, as it was directly beneath the hot tap, but the difference had slowly been evening out as the basin filled and the hot and cold water amalgamated into a lukewarm see-through wet mess.

are his nasal passages the correct diameter for proper breathing?

does he respond to the commands 'sit', 'beg', 'roll over' and 'play dead'?

he closed his gelatine eyes and took a deep, breath, in, raising his chin as he slowly took his hands out of the water, becoming aware as he did this of the tiny polygon patterns on their sodden skin. his eyes still closed, he leant over to the floor, drying his hands on the scattered pages, screwing them into creased ball shapes and throwing them into the bath, which was about a sixth of the way full, although huw was unaware of this.

his hands on either side of the basin, he faced the water and opened his eyes and opened his eyes and opened his eyes and opened his

was he the twenty-sixth president of the united states of america?

did he win three gold medals at the 1998 winter olympics in nagano?

eyes and opened his eyes. Clear blue waves (and opened his eyes) with frothy white crests (and opened his (and opened his eyes) eyes) gently crashing, splashing (and opened his eyes [ears]) and the distant call of contented seagulls and, silence. Sailing boats and speedboats and fishing boats (and opened) and oil tankers and (his) ferries and frigates (eyes). And it was night time now (and opened his eyes [heart]) and the lights on the boats lit up and the stars shone (and opened his) and the moon (heart) shone and

would he look innocent and boyish without facial hair but rugged and manly with it?

would he take you to mars and

the lighthouse shone and the beam shone in the fog and the bay was (his heart [eyes]) deserted and the rocks were craggy and the grass was sparsely scattered (and opened his eyes and opened his) and there was a fire (ears (ears [heart])) on the beach (and open-) and in the flames (-ed) his (his) eyes (eyes) sparked and glowed with the vigour of

where was he born?

where is his local constituency does it offer health benefits is it safe and affordable would you want to raise a child there does it offer fair and

a lamp, moths flying here and there, flapping towards

(and does it matter?

[and opened])

his

eyes